today out on the street,
there was a person giving away....kittens! they we're so adorable! but i didn't get one, cause if i did me and the kitty would be living out on the street in a cardboard box because it would have cost like 650 to keep it and get all the shots and what not and that's more than rent,
i miss moeki...this sucks beans, i don't think i've ever been without a cat my entire life there was,

NAME:                DESCRIPTION:
Mountain kitty - back in the day, my mother brought home a cat that was rescued from some mountain, it hated people.
Poopie-head (i was young, and at the time i thought that anything having to do with feces was funny) - it was a CRAZY kitten, it torn up my mom's leather sofas and climbed up the curtains and shredded them, and at night it would pounce on my head and eat my hair oh....we had to return it...i didn't want to but it was insane, i think it might have had severe kitty ADD.
Saturn (but it only came when i called it 'kitty') - it was short haired gray with white stripes...the rest of the fam actually liked this one.
Mr. Fuzzums - the most adorable, loyal, friendly, intelligent cat in the world!...but he died from an infection.
Spuddy Buddy - ....the bestest kitty anyone could have asked for...the only one seem to understand me, when the fam was being not nice.
Moeki - at first a little resistant, but he grew on me, aww he's so sweet.

So uhh yeah, if you can't tell I'm a 'cat' person but i also miss Cassie too...aww she's so friendly and cute and she gives hugs. i MISS the animals, they're family too.

An excerpt from the book i had just finished...it's pretty trippy i say...the term "God" doesn't particularly pertain to the Christian god or the Hindu gods or whatever gods...just the idea of "God"

Proofs of the Existence of God

Aquinas summarized his proofs in the following poems:

Things are in motion, hence there is a first mover
Things are caused, hence there is a first cause
Things exist, and hence there is a creator.

..."Aquinas’s began the cosmological proof by postulating that God was the First Mover and First Maker. He artfully dodged the question of "who made God" by simply asserting that the question made no sense. God had no maker because he was the First. Period. The cosmological proof states that everything that moves must have had something push it, which in turn must have had something push it, and so on. But what started the first push?"
"IMAGINE, for the moment idly sitting in the park and seeing a wagon moving in front of you. Obviously, you think, there is a young child pushing the wagon. You wait a moment, only to find another wagon pushing the first wagon. Curious, you wait a bit longer for the child, but there is a third wagon pushing the first two wagons, each one pushing the others, with no child in sight. Puzzled, you look out into the distance. You are surprised to see an INFINTE sequence of wagons stretching into the horizon, each wagon pushing the others with no child at all. If it takes a child to push a wagon, then can an infinite sequence of wagons push itself? No. Therefore, God must exist, according to Aquinas reasoning of proofs of the existence of God."

...interesting logic ehh?...

another reason why i hate work
i slipped on the floor and fell and bumped my chin on the grill! the thing that just ticked me off was the manager was like "everyone, keep with the pace we've got to get that number down to 125, Laiza, can keep working for just a couple more min. until the clock goes down or do you need a bandaid right away, your part of the team now you don't want to leave your team do you?....WTF! seriously! i felt like contaminating all the food with the blood dripping from my chin! The funny thing is people on the street look at me like i just had plastic surgery or something...as if i don't feel self conscience enough, geeze!
              
i did manage to find a neato poster to put in my very dull apartment.

i don't know why but this looks almost ganster...but then again i do live on the Westside...of Olympia.
dude, brittany i saw a black and white billie holiday poster of her and her band and it reminded me of you.
Everyone is moving out and moving on...it seems like it went by so fast doesn't it?

                                                                  
Work - I HATE it!...working there is making me more motivated than ever to get an education so I will never have to work at a place similar to that. 
Moeki - I miss him...a lot.
Music - some tupac isn't tu bad. 
Food - I went grocery shopping today and I ate a boat load...potato salad, toast, applesauce, veggie nuggets....then I felt like throwing up because my stomach hurt so bad, I guess after going steady on a diet of noodles and tea, one's stomach becomes smaller and is unable engulf such mass amounts of food as one's stomach use to be able to...now I’ve got to get some tums. 
I put up a poster today in my apt, it's framed and looks spiffy...it starting to feel more like "home", which is nice.
So there's this person...who gives me horrible knots in my stomach...and every time we hang out I end up doing something ridiculously stupid and embarrassing like tripping over twigs and stuttering and falling off the sidewalk and walking in to the light post and spitting accidentally when I speak and falling off the bench and chewing too loud and walking too fast and taking too long in the restroom and twitching uncontrollably...I’ve become a wreck! So I’m pretty sure they think I’m a total loser....yippy for first impressions! 
The sun has been out and about and so has the moon...it's quite a sight to see.
I've got an interview with AmeriCorps. Next Thursday so hopefully that goes well so then I won't have to work at this shitty job anymore.

I had a dream that I was here...


and I was doing this...


Lately I've been feeling rather homesick and I don't mean alaska, I have this urge to go back...it could be because I've been talking to my mum a lot more and all she talks about is the beaches and the water and whatever she's going to make for dinner. It's weird because it's been like 10 years since I've seen it but I remember it just as clearly, and it's more spectacular than beach I've ever seen since I've lived here. On a side note I'm feeling rather nervous because a person ask me to go have a cup of coffee with them and I said okay, unlike what happened the last two times someone asked  me what I was doing this weekend I literally RAN away...yes I ran away for no reason other than I didn't know what to say. My references were accepted...WHOA YEPPIE, now time to finish writing reasons on why I want to help out little kids....to keep them off the streets, of course!...gravy it's already has 'senitmental puddy' written all over it.

so I’m pretty sure nothing saids happy birthday, I love you better than a brown box full of 
cards, burts bee chap stick, various candy bars, vitamins, toilet paper, stamps, a pair of socks and a pretty nifty butterfly yo yo...Thank you guys!
Those cards made me giggle uncontrollably. By the way I've got to say I've got pretty mad yo yo skills...serious!

4^th of July 2006

So I spent the day with my grandma and her boyfriend, we watched movies, ate dinner…I swear on my grave that she makes the BEST potato salad in the world. I never realized how much I missed having home cooked meals, it was nice. We went out in the fields at night and watched the fireworks from her property the fireworks were spectacular but what’s even more spectacular were the stars and the moon. I found myself watching the sky more than the fireworks, something about Washington is you can go outside in the dark and looks at the sky without freezing your buns off, instantly I started thinking about, the stars, the moon, the dark matter, there content, how far away they are, how long their going to live, how long this world is going to last, how long I’m going to last, when did it start, how did it start, why? I was trying to picture and wrap my head around the ideas and distances and like every other time I got frustrated and mumbled to myself because my brain doesn’t seem to comprehend those thoughts. Astronomy has got to be one of the BEST things I’ve ever took time to learn about, I believe that instead of sending people to re-had or some kind of rehabilitation, or a nursing home, or a half way house people should be sent to an observatory that way they could learn something outside their addictions/problems and realize how astounding and overwhelming the universe really is and how super lucky they are to be here. I doubt that will ever happen or work, but it’s one of my dreams, I don’t know why I think this would ever work, but I guess that’s what kind of impact it has on me and how much I believe in it, almost religiously I suppose you could say, but not super religiously otherwise that would probably be called druidism or paganism.  

I was at the bus stop today and there a was little boy probably 7 years old and he said ‘hello’ to me and I asked him ‘where are you headed to’ and he replied with ‘oh I’m not going anywhere I’m waiting for my friend, he’s going to be here in 4 hours”. Something about that comment made me want to cry, it’s like he’s going to wait 4 hours out in the blistering sun so he can see his friend and he’s only 7, it just made me think, I’m going to wait 4 years and I’m only 17, I really can’t explain why I found that to be so profound but it made my day.

The expression displayed on this little girl's face demonstrates the magnitude of how much I miss you guy's.

So I sit here at 9:30 in the morning trying to put in to words how much of a change everything is going to be. My bestest friends spent the night, in hopes of one last "slumber party", one more good memory. It's difficult when trying to think of a memory I like best, there are many but just knowing we’ve been together all these years going through ups and downs and that they’ve always been there at my side is all I really need to remember. Moeki is sitting on my lap purring as I’m trying to write this I don’t think he has any idea, and I’m going to feel bad when he goes to my room to find me and I’m not there. Today I have to go say the rest of my good byes and I wish I didn’t have to. So I will leave tonight with my life in two suitcases, my head unclear, my eyes watering, my arms hugging, and my heart breaking. 

It’ll probably be awhile before I get internet so to all of my friends (the people I love with every existence of my being) I wish you all the love and happiness in the world. And good luck with whatever it is your going to do with your life.

Today:

Spent the day with Forrest, we drove, ate, walked, drove, ate, walked, walked, sat, listed to good tunes, walked, ate, sat and drove…it was lovely!

I find myself a crying a lot more than usual, because when I think of how fortunate I am to have such wonderful people in my life and the opportunities I’ve been given, I just can’t help myself…its like “damn I’m so lucky!” I guess that doesn’t make much sense but I’m really going to miss many things. I’m forcing myself not to pack in hopes that I can trick myself into thinking I have more time, but unfortunately I’ll probably end up panicking when I don’t have anything packed and it’s time to go.